I created this comic with a select group of people in mind. These people appreciate both Mario and Breaking Bad. Or in short, people who are awesome. Namely, you.
To wrap up Two for One Anniversary week, today everyone wins a shiny new desktop wallpaper featuring Mario White. Use the clickity click of your mouse to attain the wallpaper below.
Are you still reading this post? Good, because this is where things get awesome. You are watching Breaking Bad, because you are. If you are not, do so and do so as rapidly as possible. Given the premise of the show, I think it’s fair to sling drugs to pick up the seasons on DVD.
Breaking Bad is a show that does what many movies, shows, and books do. It introduces us to a character much like you, or you in 20 years, or you 10 years ago. This guy is pathetic, his life is not what he’d like it to be, because he gave up. Much like you, or you will in 20 years, or you did 10 years ago.
Then something magical or terrifying happens to him. Generally an impending tragedy which forces our protagonist to be come, well, a protagonist. He then makes several moves of badassary to take control of his life. We all cheer as he becomes what you will never be, a badass motherfucker. The protagonist will then have a profound realization about his life, and how he was happy before at which point the neighbor will shoot him in the head because he mistakingly thinks the protagonist was gay with his son.
Why do we love our Walter Whites and Lester Burnhams? Why do we love these sad, pathetic characters who finally take charge of their lives? It’s because we see ourselves becoming sad and pathetic. Why? Because it’s a confusing time to be a man. It’s not a bad time to be a man. No, trust me, it’s always easier to be a man. But it’s still a confusing time to have a penis swinging between your legs.
Today’s man must be sensitive, yet rough and stoic. He must be open to feelings and in touch with his inner whatever while still being a rock of manly emotion. Today’s man must present a well groomed and finely dressed appearance while trying to look like he doesn’t give a shit. He has to respect women and their boundaries, while also being aggressive. In short, what the fuck are we supposed to do?
We see these men after they have given up. Much like you have, or much like you know you will. Their bellies flopped over, their sex lives nonexistent. Hair falling out, saggy muscled, minivan driving bitches.
When faced with the final reality of it all, they do what you never will. They man the fuck up. They do something. Sure, it all goes to shit in the end, but for those fleeting months where they took control, their lives were glorious.
So, stop fucking around. Get up. Do that thing you need to to. Stop being a saggy little bitch. I’m not telling you to sling meth or to fuck your daughters best friend, but live a little. Don’t forget what it feels like to take control of your life. As a good friend of mine likes to say, “Man up, bitches.”
You’re goddamn right,